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The Top Clock Hat
Back in 9th grade I was assigned a project in which I had to invent something useful. I could not for the life of me come up with an invention. Eventually I just partnered with someone else and mooched off of their ideas. I wish I had that opportunity again because I could probably make millions now. The idea came to me in my Freshman English class this morning. Mr. Goldstein had during our previous class made a big deal about not giving us breaks during the two hour lecture because it takes away valuable learning time. He did point out, however, that as compensation we would end lecture 10 minutes early. Since Goldstein happens to suffer longwindedness, I just know I can't be the only person staring at the clock as it passes the marker for the end of class. I vaguely remember him rambling about the grammatical errors or something from our assignments as I wonder what time the next bus will arrive. After four more long minutes, it hits me! He has no clue what time it is. I slyly glance over my shoulder and scan the back of the room where the professor is facing. Sure enough, no clock. Not even a shadow from the sun to announce that the hour is done. It all makes sense now.The professor is trapped in a time warp of lecture and cannot escape. And how could he with no indication of real world time anywhere in his line of vision? As the his teaching continues, I have the flashback to my high school project. I would invent a Time Top Hat. It would be a tall top hat like gentlemen used to wear back in the day. To use it I would front and center in any lecture hall containing a time challenged professor. The front of the hat would have a huge digital clock in the red numbers. Five minutes before the end of class, the numbers will become gradually brighter. The minute class in scheduled to cease, the hat will turn complete neon red, a fat lady will sing, and confetti and streamers will explode from the interior. Now if I could only find my 9th grade teacher...
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